Bowing Out
by Lexa1711
Summary: Life has a funny way of knocking you off balance, taking the wind from your lungs, and then throwing the unexpected at you. For Olivia the unexpected come in the from of a lovely night that leaves more to think about, regarding someone, so unexpected it takes her breath away, than she would have ever thought possible.


Bowing Out.

A/N: At this point this is a stand alone, but I won't lie and say that I don't have more ideas for it. Let me know what you guy would like. I currently don't have a beta reader, and am absolutely horrible at catching my own mistakes, so please, bare with me. As always, thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: Though it should go without saying; I own nothing but the story itself.

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There wasn't much time between the words that should have been heart shattering leaving his lips and the moment Detective Olivia Benson found herself walking into a familiar downtown bar. Cassidy was supposed to be simple, he was meant to be the point in her life where she'd settle down, be happy – he was what she as grown comfortable with and in just a few short words he'd taken that away from her.

Even though she's off duty her eyes scan the bar, taking it all in in an instant in a way only a seasoned detective could. She passes two men she knows, glancing for the briefest moment at the younger of the two, Edwardo – a C.I of hers. His eyes widen slightly and she continues on like she hadn't seen him assuming that her looking for too long might make the other man suspicious.

Before she can see Amanda she knows she's there, having caught the distinct sound of her voice. Settling her line of sight on the other woman she takes in the scene. There's a younger woman sitting close to her smiling and laughing, and Amanda smiles back before taking a drink. If Olivia didn't know any better she would swear she she was on a date. Although, after a moments thought she concludes that she doesn't know any better. Rollins was a closed book to almost every one but Finn as far as Liv knew. She finds herself staring for a moment as she weaves between the small crowd on her way to the dance floor. As if she could tell the younger woman looks up, catching Liv's eyes. They share a nod of acknowledgment and then look away; Olivia to the bar, and Amanda to the woman beside her.

Ava Falker stands be hind the bar, wiping down a few glasses when she spots the detective making her way to her favorite stool at the end of the bar. "Detective Benson. No smile tonight, does that mean you want a bourbon or a beer?"

Olivia does smile then, using the bar top to lower herself on the stool. "Just beer for tonight, Ava. I do have to be up for work tomorrow."

"Coming right up Detective."

"Again, I say, call me Olivia." She insists for the countless time.

Ava grabs her a beer from the cooler and pops the cab before sliding it across the bar to her. She doesn't have time to ask why Olivia looks so down due to another customer flagging her down at the other end of the bar. This gives her mind time to settle back on the events that lead her here, and not the usual rough case reason.

Cassidy. Everyone had expected her to be the one to run, everyone including herself. Things have a strange way of working themselves out. She thinks, pressing the bottle to her lips. The first goes down quickly, the second even faster. The pace of her drinks doesn't go unnoticed by Ave, and certainly not by Rollins whose been paying less and less attention to her date since the moment she'd spotted Olivia coming in and then watched as she sat herself at the bar.

"Alright, Olivia." Ava says her name pointedly as she leans on her side of the bar. "You." She pauses for a brief moment. "Have been picking at labels and drinking these fairly quickly. What's wrong. Bad case?"

As if she had been caught her eyes flick to the bottle and the fingers of her left hand as they picked and pulled at the label on the bottle, she pulls her hand back slowly. "I think it says I've been here too much that you know me well enough to figure something's wrong after a few minutes at your bar."

Ava smiles, scrunching her nose up a bit. "I think you're just rubbing off on me, Olivia."

"Ohh I see." A light chuckle follows the words and she shrugs. "You could be right."

Ava pushes off the bar top, sliding her fingers through long dark hair before pulling it up in a tail at the back of her head. "You still haven't answered my question." She grabs her another beer. "So spill. What's wrong?"

"Cassidy..." She trails off, her eyes finding the bar top, fingers going back to the absent label picking. "He left me tonight." It was a statement and nothing more. There was no falter, no crack in her voice that could indicate heart break where most would think to find it.

"Oh, Liv." Ava reaches across the bar and wraps her hand around the detectives forearm. "I'm sorry, are you okay?"

Olivia's eyes soften slightly and she takes comfort in the concern flashing through Ava's stunning green eyes. "I appreciate you're asking, but I'm fine." She deadpans a moment later.

The hand leaves her arm, also leaving behind a cool spot where it had sat, and Ava grins bouncing on her feet a bit. "Well at least now I can say that I didn't like the guy. Not for you anyways."

Olivia tilts her head ever so slight, a trained brow raising in question. "You're bold tonight Miss Falkner." This makes Ava laugh and for the first time that night she laughs too. Someone calls Ava from a few stools down and she grins. "Saved by the bell."

There are a few more people in the bar now, she notes having taken to watching the room after Ava was called away. Not many more, but enough to be noticeable. Her C.I was no longer in sight, and she assumed that he tucked tail and ran the first chance he got. She huffs out a breath and looks further into the room her eyes settling on Amanda and her date. She pauses, and almost looks away as if seeing what was about to happen would be such a bad thing to witness.

The young woman tucks her hair over one shoulder, deep red curls cascading half way down her side as she reaches under the table, to what she can only assume, is Amanda's leg. While, at the same time leaning in to kiss her. Olivia finds herself with an odd feeling watching the encounter, almost wishing that she could break it up.

About to turn away she stops suddenly, seeing the look on the other detectives face. Much like it would had she just witnessed something great, a smile tugs at her lips as Amanda leans away from the kiss. Her eyes then move to Liv's and for a moment the older detective is sure there's something else in those blue eyes, something that if anyone were to ask her about, she'd have to say it was the same look a child got. A flash of guilt when they've been caught doing something that they shouldn't have, something that their parents might be disappointed in.

Her brow furrows in confusion, why would Amanda look like she'd been caught. Was it due to the fact that her personal life was on display for her boss, her very new boss? Sure before the promotion to Sargent Olivia had still been seen as an authority figure in the eyes of most of her collegues in the Svu squad room, that was no surprise to her. None of them had ever acted like that though.

"You're either lost in thought, or thinking about a case. Your eyebrows are doing that scrunchy thing they do."

It's Ava that pulls her from her thoughts and she flashes the younger woman a smile. "Just thinking about work."

"As usual." Ava adds

"Yes," She pauses looking down at her hands. "As usual. Can't turn it off."

"I wouldn't think so. You're work conditions you to always be thinking, analyzing everything and one that you see."

Olivia nods twice, her eyes still on her hands. "I think that may have been one of the reasons Cassidy and I ended." She chuckles. "He was never cut out for Svu. Should have seen him in his early days back when I first joined the unit. He couldn't say penis without turning three shades of red first, and looking for any way to describe the male genitalia that didn't involve actually saying it."

"The work you do bothers him?"

"More than it should. Especially with him being a cop." She sighs. "We both knew that my job came before him. It comes before everything."

"His loss, darlin;" Ava says placing another beer in front of her.

She muses over the fourth beer and if she was being completely honest with herself than she would be able to say that she saw this coming. As comfortable as they seemed to be with one another neither of them really knew each other on a personal level and she wasn't sure if they ever would. She shouldn't be surprised.

"Single again?" The question surprises her nearly as much as the sudden appearance of someone leaning on the bar top only inched to her left.

"Rollins" She says looking a little surprised.

"That's me." She says smiling over at her. "Sorry, didn't mean to eaves drop."

Olivia waves it off, taking a drink of her beer. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure it will be common knowledge soon."

"Still gotta be rough though." She pauses, leaning in ever so slightly. "How ya doin'?"

She holds the younger woman's eyes for a moment for placating her with a smile. "I'm okay." She nods once and takes another drink. "I knew it was coming. I think everyone knew it was only a matter of time."

Amanda's lips purse for a moment before she nods. "Not gonna lie, I could see it commin'. That guy was just not right for you." She regrets saying it the moment that the words leave her lips. Olivia just arches a brow and tilts her head slightly.

"I'm sorry, Liv, that was out of line."

"It was." She says but smiles anyways. Its a sad smile and Amanda hates being the cause of it. "But it's the truth. We had to try too hard to make even the simplest of things work." The bottom of her bottle sings a ridged song as the notches along the bottom circle round and round when she speaks.

"Well, I'm not an expert, but I'd say it's a good thing things ended now?" She finishes off the glass she'd carried over with her, letting the ice clink against the bottom of the glass in sharp contrast to the silence that Olivia was offering.

She shrugs finally. "You're right." It's then that Olivia remembers the failed kiss attempt by the pretty red head. She looks to the table that Amanda and the other woman had occupied only minutes before. "Where did your date go?"

She's answered with a huff followed by a dry laugh. "Sent her home. Wasn't really what I was lookin' for."

So it was a date after all? Of course it was, but Olivia couldn't have been positive before. She cocks a brow, shifting in her seat to face Amanda a bit more. "So, what were you looking for, Rollins?"

Amanda just watches her for a moment, studying her. She could be sure that they way in which her last name rolled over the older detective's tongue could be taken as flirting. That couldn't be right though?

"Always lookin' for something that I can't have, and findin' myself with all the wrong people." She answers as honestly as she can.

Olivia is surprised at her honesty. There were things about Amanda that the team knew, personal things but those things were only brought into light because they had to be. Her gambling addiction, her sister and family issues. All brought to light because her life, job, or welfare were in jeopardy and not because Amanda had decided to be forthcoming. So what was different now? Could it be the new position Olivia held over her, or possibly the alcohol that she'd drank tonight? Whatever the reason Olivia found herself glad of it. She'd wanted to get to know Rollins for a while now, seeing as as far as the team went Amanda was the mystery to her.

"Maybe you just need to stop looking?" She suggest then shakes her head. "That was horrible advice and I'm going to blame it on the other three of these." She points to the nearly empty fourth beer.

Amanda's laugh is almost refreshing in contrast to the night that she'd had and Olivia finds it strange. How many times had she heard this woman laugh before now. Three years, and it had never really seemed this comforting to her. Possibly the alcohol had something to do with that but she wasn't going to think about that right now. Instead she'd enjoy the atmosphere while she could.

"You're right." she smirks. "That was horrible advice."

"And at this point it won't get much better so don't ask me for anymore." She admits before emptying the beer she'd been toying with absently as she talked to the other detective.

All the while Ava keeps a curious eye on Detective Benson and the woman that had joined her, the same woman that had only a short while ago had been on, what appeared to be a date. And now here she was laughing lightly with Olivia like they were old friends. Hell, for all Ava knew they could be. That thought, as true as it could be did nothing to diminish the jealousy that she was feeling.

Olivia laughs again at something the blonde woman says, and Ava puts down the glass she'd been cleaning before making her way to the end of the bar. "Can I get you another beer, Liv?"

Olivia looks up, a smile still pulling at her lips. "Uh, I don't know, Ava. I think I've had enough for one night."

Her answer causes both women to look at her with a raised eye brow.

"Oh, no Sweetie. You just got out of a relationship and you're only going to have a few beer?" Amanda rolls her eyes. "Light weight."

"You're friend is right, you should let go a little." Ava smiles. "But if you think you've had enough then okay."

She looks between them, both giving her smug smiles and she sighs, raising her hands in defeat. "Alright, one more beer, but that's it." She nods to Rollins at her side. "Me and this one have work in the morning and I doubt the boys will want to deal with two hungover women."

"Oh, you're a detective too?" Ava asks still smiling as she hands Olivia her final beer. "This one's on me, love."

"Where are my manners. Ava, this is Detective Amanda Rollins." She places her hand on Amanda's arm as she introduces her and it doesn't go unnoticed by either of the two women. "Amanda, this is Ava. My favourite bar tender."

Amanda holds out her hand a wide smile on her face as she does. "Nice to meet you, Ava."

She does the same, taking the hand that's being offered. "Pleasures all mine. Detective." She pauses. "I haven't seen you in here with Liv before, how long have you been working together?"

Olivia arches a brow and studies Ava while the blonde thinks for a moment. "Just about three years?" Olivia nods letting her know that she's correct then takes a drink of her beer.

The night carries on in much the same way, Amanda and Olivia talking and laughing like neither of them had in a long time. Ava would come and go, exchanging light small talk but not intruding on them as much as she might want to. Despite earlier protests Oliva had two more beer as the next hour and a half passed, but declined anymore after that.

Amanda lifts her glass, letting the remainder of her whiskey sour slide down her throat causing Olivia to make a face. "I'd be dying of heart burn if I were to drink that."

"Don't know what you're missin' honey." Amanda smirks and slides the glass across the bar top. "If we want to get to work at all in the morning."

Olivia looks at her watch, interrupting her. "the morning being in four and a half hours."

"Right. Well if we want to get there at all." She chuckles. "I think we should call it a night."

A smile comes across Olivia's face, and she nods twice. "I think you're right."

Amanda reaches for her wallet and when the other detective does the same she holds up a hand. "No, 'Liv, this ones on me." She gives her a look that can't be argues with and while she pays Ava, Olivia goes about shrugging into her coat, but it was proving harder than it should have when she feels the blond's hands wrap around the fabric to help her into it.

"Thanks."

"Not a problem." She says while pulling her own jacket on. The leather is cool against her skin despite the warm temperature of the bar. She tugs at it again, helping the fabric fall comfortably into place.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, we can share a cab."

Olivia is the first out the door and the cool night air hits her, stinging her cheeks as she breaths in. It wasn't often that she found herself out at this time a night when it wasn't work related, and not being focused on a case, or a crime scene she was able to enjoy it a bit. She looks to Amanda who's curling into herself a bit, no doubt to ward off the cold.

"Hey, it's too cold for you to catch the F train, why don't you just come with me. My place is just around the corner." She can't read the blonde's expression and she was almost certain that she would decline the offer. She gives her a smile.

"Know what, yeah. Sounds better than freezin' somewhere along the way." Amanda nods and steps holds out an arm for the other woman to take.

She doesn't hesitate for a moment, and slips her arm into the one that's being offered to her. Telling herself that's it's about the warmth that is being offered rather than the closeness. Everything that had transpired over the last few hours, from Brian leaving her, to being comfortable in Amanda's company was all coming at her at once and she didn't know how to feel about it, luckily the alcohol was doing a fine job at keeping her, at least a little, carefree.

"I'll never get used to the way the temp drops at night here." Amanda muses as the walk, passing others as they go. "Startin' to miss Georgia."

This makes Olivia laugh lightly into the night air, the larger exhale it caused coming out in a white vapor against the night sky. "Give it time, you'll get used to it." She chuckles. "Besides you don't have a choice, because with me heading this unit now, I'm not letting them have you back."

Amanda doesn't say anything at first, as she tries to hold back the smile that those words ignited. This worries the other woman, but only for a moment.

"Wouldn't want to be anywhere else, Sargent."

They reach entrance to Olivia's building and Amanda hold the door for her. "Lead the way." She motions her forward with an arm and then slips in behind her, all the while keeping an eye on the people that had been walking behind them.

She might be intoxicated, and distracted as hell by the woman in front of her, but being a detective was hard to turn off. They pass and she turns her attention back to following the other woman. Then wishes that she hadn't because she can't take her eyes off the woman. Without the chance of getting caught she's free to look over all of what she can see of Olivia and it was possibly the worst thing that she could be doing seeing as she was about to be staying the night with her. Well the remainder of it, anyways.

Olivia undoes the locks, and then swings the door open, nearly falling into the room as she does. Amanda reacts before she can and snakes an arm around her. "Whoa there, how much did you drink again."

Liv sighs and leans back into Amanda a bit as she straightens herself on her feet. "Not enough to be stumbling." She kicks a shoe out of the way and watches it bump into the wall. "Guess Brian just didn't feel like cleaning up when he took his stuff."

Amanda arches a brow "What an ass."

"Mm." Olivia agrees and makes her way into the room taking note of a few things missing.

Amanda notices the same thing right away. From the few times that she had been in the apartment she could tell that Liv liked to keep her home clean. Not immaculate, but still orderly. "Looks like he just took what he needed for more."

She nods. "Looks like. He said he would come back for the rest while I was at work tomorrow."

There's a lull in conversation as Olivia pulls out of her Jacket. She hangs it on a hook near the door just as Amanda does the same. There hands meet as she pulls back and for a reason she couldn't tell anyone if they asked, she turned around to face the other woman. Their eyes meet and she holds her breath for a moment. There as that look again, the one that Amanda had given her at the bar before she'd gotten rid of the pretty red head.

"Uh, sorry," She shake her head and steps around the younger woman and walks to the kitchen. "Can I get you anything?" She calls over her shoulder.

The blond follows her to the kitchen and leans on the counter. "No, that's okay." She smiles as Liv busies herself with getting a glass of water. She rakes her eyes over her again, lingering just a little too long. She looks away though, when the other woman turns around and downs the water.

"You should probably have some before you go to sleep though, help combat the hangover that's on it's way." Liv says with a smile then looks to the side to place the glass down. There's movement from where Amanda was standing, leaning on the counter, and she looks up.

Before she knows what's happening the younger detective's lips are on her and she freezes for a moment. The pause is enough to make the other woman pull back. She opens her mouth to say something but nothing comes out, and all Olivia can see in her eyes is fear, sudden and absolute.

"I... Liv' I'm sorry." She stammers and closes her mouth again. "I shouldn't have.. and now things are going to be..."

Olivia crashes her lips to the younger woman's her fingers threading into her hair quickly to hold her in place. It's Amanda's turn to freeze, but it only lasts a breath because in the next moment a moan pulls from her chest. Vibrating over her lips to Liv's. Her hands fall to her hips, gripping tightly.

Her body responds to Amanda's hands, and her pulls the her impossibly close by wrapping an arm around her waist. There's another moan and she's not sure who it comes from, but it's something she needs to hear again.

She presses into the other woman, pushing her into the cupboard and Amanda pulls at her hips again, keeping Olivia close to her. They are both breathing heavy, chests heaving into one another as they kiss. Amanda smirks against her lips, her fingers ghosting over the sliver of exposed skin where her shirt had ridden up.

The touch shocks Olivia back to reality and she pulls away from the kiss. "Amanda." She breaths her name out, barely more than a whisper. "I.. This is too much." She pulls away and steps back her hand covering her mouth.

"Olivia. This doesn't have to be nothin'."

The older detective just sighs and shakes her head. "I'm going to go to bed." She says pulling her eyes away from the other woman's. She closes her eyes, not knowing where to even begin to think. She's just kissed Amanda. Amanda had kissed her. What in the hell was happening?

"Liv..." Amanda starts again taking a step towards the older woman.

"No. We can talk about this in the morning. Right now I just need to sleep." She says quietly. Before anything more can be said she makes her way down the hall and into her room. Removing herself from the situation all together.

Amanda sighs, pulling a hand though her hair her body deflates against the counter again. What in the hell had she just done?


End file.
